


little fingers

by Razia



Series: there's an ocean inside me (it rages for you) [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, Parenthood, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24530485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razia/pseuds/Razia
Summary: Ichigo's family is a little bigger now.
Relationships: Hirako Shinji/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: there's an ocean inside me (it rages for you) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772761
Comments: 12
Kudos: 108





	little fingers

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S BABY TIME!

At first, Ichigo thought he would never love someone as much as he loved his mother.

Kurosaki Masaki had been the center of his world, the moral compass he had followed, the hold he had longed for every time the world got difficult. (And for a child who cried about everything, the world was usually difficult.) There was nothing Ichigo liked as much as spending time with Masaki, listening to her soft voice as she read him a bedtime story, relishing the safety of her strong hand as they walked home from school, watching with big eyes as she taught him how to stir the dinner ingredients in a bowl.

But she was ripped from him by fate and madmen. Ichigo's world went grey with rain clouds after that.

Then he thought he would never love anyone as much as he loved his sisters.

Only four years old, no mother, and a father too busy with his grief to remember the girls needed to eat. So Ichigo went beyond his older brother duties, became mom and dad and parent at only nine years old, cooking them breakfast, taking them to school, kissing their scrapes, holding them close when the nightmares came. (And come they did, every night for weeks, until the three of them were barely holding on.)

It had been a full time job for years, and Ichigo thought he was too spent to love anyone else.

Then he met Shinji. At some point between their dislike at first sight, their brothers-in-arms camaraderie, their first kiss, and the dawning realization that Shinji would tear the world apart for him, Ichigo thought this is it, I'll never love anyone as deeply as I love him. Shinji's soft smile and fierce eyes, hands that were so sure as they grabbed Ichigo's, promised the same.

And then came Mika.

(In hindsight, thinking he was done loving, that he couldn’t give anything else, was very naive.)

Evening finds Ichigo leaning against the crib on his folded arms. He doesn't know what expression he's doing right now, but he's pretty sure it's embarrassing.

Mika's little chest rises and falls quickly, baby lungs working full time, quicker than an adult's, pink duvet moving along with her. There's a thought forming in his mind, not quite ready but close. It's been stewing there for a year already, since he leaned against Shinji on the couch and said he wanted a little girl.

The only source of light is the one spilling from the hallway, through the crack he left on the doorway when he stepped inside the room. It casts a faint glow around the crib, not enough to see the colors in full, but Ichigo doesn’t really need to see them right now. He already has Mika’s appearance seared into his mind.

He slowly cards his fingers through her soft, thin hair, the color a bright, full yellow so close to Shinji’s that it’s unmistakable whom she came from. Her big eyes are brown, and according to Shinji they’re Ichigo-brown, which was almost disappointing.

(“What, did ya just want a little girl version of me?”

Ichigo shrugs, refusing to be embarrassed about it. “Yeah.”

Shinji huffs, but can’t hide the pleased little smile when he turns away.)

Her little nose kind of looks like Yuzu’s when she was little, small but thin, and Ichigo knows that when she grows up it will be long and elegant (like Shinji’s).

But honestly, the best thing is her smile. At five months they can still play peek-a-boo with her, object-permanence not quite developed yet, and she smiles and laughs so happily. But there’s a hint there, just a little bit of mischievousness in the way she curls her mouth upwards and shows her toothless gums that is so absolutely Shinji that Ichigo finds himself falling in love all over again, with both of them.

After reading tons and tons of books on babies, he knows her teeth might start bothering her anytime soon, and he honestly cannot wait to see a full toothed smile from her. He might die from the cuteness.

Mika distracts him from his mushy thoughts by groaning softly, baby voice barely making a sound, forehead bunching in seeming displeasure. He’s immediately alert, looking her all over, wondering if she’s having a nightmare, or maybe she’s hungry, or maybe it’s cramps, maybe he needs to change her diapers again, oh god what if she’s getting sick—

A warm hand at the back of his neck brings him out of it. The only reason he doesn’t slash Shinji’s hand off his arm is because they’re so attuned to each other that even when one is completely distracted, they still know where each other is all the time, at the back of their mind, like instinct.

Shinji smiles at him, but his eyes stray to Mika and stay there. He leans down and presses a gentle finger in the middle of her bunched eyebrows, and slowly moves it down her nose. He repeats the movement three more times, and her expression clears.

She gurgles a little bit and stills, falling back into deep slumber.

Shinji looks back at him with a smug expression, and Ichigo doesn’t even call him out on it, too besotted to care. His eyes roam Shinji’s beautiful face and then fall on Mika’s, helpless in comparing them again and again, finding tiny similarities each time he looks, and god, his heart could burst.

“Are you trynna find similarities again?”

Oops, caught.

“She’s too young still, Ichigo.” Shinji’s hand goes to her hair, unknowingly imitating Ichigo’s earlier caress.

“She already has hair!” Ichigo whisper-shouts, careful of his volume.

“She was born with hair, that doesn’t count.” Shinji grins, delighted in making fun of him. “She still looks like any baby looks. Soft an’ round an’ kinda featureless.”

“That’s a lie and you know it. Her hair color is clearly yours.”

“And her eyes are yours.”

“Unfortunately.”

“I can’t believe you have the gall to be disappointed, how dare ya?” But Shinji’s shoulders are shaking, small puffs of laughter leaving his lips.

“I’m not disappointed, she’s perfect. I just... I wish she had your eyes.”

“My boring muddy eyes?”

“ _Excuse you_ , your beautiful kinda grey kinda brown eyes, okay?”

Shinji’s soft, almost embarrassed expression to that comment is the best thing, and Ichigo leans back from the crib, so he can have both Shinji and Mika into his field of vision at once.

His little family.

“Yer so cheesy.”

“You like it.”

“Never said I didn’t.”

“And I learned it with you.”

“With the best, ya mean.”

Ichigo chuckles, almost silent, little puffs of air leaving his nose. He drinks in the sight of Shinji, sleep-soft in loose pajamas, long hair spilling over his shoulder as he leans down. Long, pretty fingers brush against Mika’s cheek, so gently that Ichigo inhales slowly and tries not to break right there. He’s seen those same fingers handle an assortment of swords and knives that he can barely count, seen those fingers dole out some of the heaviest-hitting kidou he knows, seen them push inside an adjuchas’ chest and rip its heart out.

And here they are, slowly brushing against their daughter’s cheek, careful and gentle. (And Shinji thought he would be a bad father. Ha!)

Ichigo takes a deep breath and feels that fleeting early thought take a more solid form, slotting carefully inside of him, like a truth newly carved into his bones. He remembers thinking so many times that he didn’t have any more of himself to give, didn’t have any more of his love to spread around, no matter how many different people he brought under his wing. He remembers thinking his sisters were the peak of his care and affection, and he remembers settling for it, even though something wasn’t quite right. Even though he wasn’t quite satisfied yet.

And yeah, he’d still do anything for Yuzu and Karin, but now, here in this quiet moment with his husband and daughter, Ichigo knows he would do _anything_ for Shinji and Mika.

_Anything._

It used to be a terrifying thought, how far he would go for some people. But Ichigo has accepted that it’s not so much that he has terrifying thoughts as he’s just a terrifying person in general. Maybe it should bother him, and maybe a small part of him is bothered by it. But mostly he’s just content in the knowledge that he’s powerful enough to stop anything from touching his precious people. (And if he has to paint some walls with blood, no one’s going to judge him. He knows his people would paint walls with blood for him too.)

He startles a little as a hand settles on his arm, and looks up to Shinji’s face very close to his.

“Spaced out fer a minute there, darlin’.”

“Just thinking.” Ichigo tilts his head, an inviting smile playing on his lips.

“‘Bout what?”

“You. Mika. Us.”

“Good thoughts, then.” Shinji smiles back and kisses him, soft and chaste, just a brush of the lips.

Ichigo brings his hands up to Shinji’s face and stares at him for a moment, admiring the slope of his nose and the brightness of his eyes and the shape of his lips, still in awe—always in awe, he’ll never stop being in awe—that those things are his to look and touch and love.

“I love you,” he says, simply, no space for question in the tone of his voice. The words are imperfect, but they will do for tonight.

“And I love you,” Shinji answers promptly, no smile on his lips, but his expression is soft and open. “And we should follow the little darling’s example and go to bed.”

Ichigo sighs. “I know, I know, I just wanted to look at her a little more.” He casts another glance in her direction. “Look at her. Can you blame me?”

Shinji chuckles. “I cannot blame ya, no.” He cards his fingers through Ichigo’s hair. “No worries, you’ll see her again in ‘round three hours, when she wakes us up by crying her little lungs out.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait.” Ichigo’s not even being sarcastic, and he doesn’t even care that Shinji laughs at him.

“Come. Bed.”

“Bed,” he says and nods.

He stops for just a moment, leaning down to run a calloused finger on one of Mika’s soft hands. To his utter delight, she opens her little hand and wraps it firmly around his finger, her little fingers stronger than a human child’s would be. He grins down at her, heart skipping a beat. After a moment her hand relaxes and he carefully pulls his finger away, curling his big hand around her tiny one, just to feel it against his skin.

He pulls the blanket more securely around her and makes himself turn around before he spends any more precious hours of sleep admiring her.

Shinji’s waiting for him at the door, amusement on his face, but Ichigo doesn’t miss the way his eyes stray to the crib and the lump of green onesie and pink blanket that can be seen through the bars.

They softly close the door behind them and leave Mika to her dreams.

They will see her again very soon.

**Author's Note:**

> According to the internet, Mika can mean "beautiful flower", depending on the kanjis used to construct the name. So now Ichigo and Shinji have a little beautiful flower of their own :3
> 
> Consider leaving a comment if you liked it, and also come scream at me on [tumblr](https://raz-ia.tumblr.com/) and come join the [ShinIchi discord server](https://discord.gg/WMNUQQ6) :D


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